This Month's Works in Progress

The meager amount of songs my tiny iPod held had just run out. Radio time. Eyes on the highway while fingers ran the stations. In the middle of tiny towns with big lakes south of home the auditory choices were slim at best.

Screaming preachers, headbanging rock, and ‘my girlfriend left me with my old truck and my best friend,” nasally country.

Then, a woman sang about how she was dealing with her break up. It’s not good. Her Mama wants her to…Just fix herself up and keep it together with a broken heart. But what mama doesn’t realize is, it’s not her broken heart.

Harsh, right?

Out of the speakers came some lines that made me say aloud to no one, “What?”

To paraphrase: Her mama was born in a more delicate generation. One where you just suck it up and be quiet all to save face.

The song is “Mama’s Broken Heart” by Miranda Lambert. You can check it out on Spotify.

For the rest of the drive and far beyond my mind wandered back. Her Mama’s generation and social circle were exponentially far removed from my Mom and the adult woman I grew up around. They had little time for small talk and pruning hedges to appease neighbors.

When she and a close friend got together it was at someone’s home where they drank pots of coffee and cigarette smoke surrounded the conversation. Never small talk, it was as if they didn’t have the time.

Politics, books, music and family crossed the table. If I was there and topics deemed too adult, they reverted to their secret shared Eastern European language.

Mom taught me at an early age to speak up for myself. That I didn't always have to look happy. That, society taught me.

Protecting me like a grizzly bear was her responsibility, not sheltering me from reality. She carried too many generations of frustration bubbling too close to the surface to be Mother of the Year. Woe to anyone around when it erupted. Sometimes the life she hoped for and the one she got just collided.

One of the times I felt her hot hornet sting she was studying for a final as a returning college student. Whinging as junior high schoolers do, barely looking up from her textbook she quietly said, “Shut up Assface.” Although it was likely deserved, the comment has stuck with me all these years later.

This would likely never come out of the mouth of a Mama from a softer generation. It might be, “Hush and put some lipstick on.”

Like my Mom and Grandma there were no significant rites of passage for me. No Confirmation, Cotillion, Quinceanera, or Bat Mitzvah, we just grew up. The older I got, the closer we became. After all the conversations I’d overheard over the years, I asked her why her and her friends married and had families? Some, like my Mom, had other aspirations tha n being a housewife. The answer was simple, times were different and that was the expectation.

My parents loved each other, but she wanted to be more than the role society carved out. She modeled how to be strong, how to adapt when life continues to throw dirt in your newly vacuumed path.

In reality osteoporosis was wearing away at her body but to me, her spine was made of titanium.

Though she started smoking at twelve, when it came time to quit in her fifties, it was cold turkey. When I was sick she was my voice and advocate. She was setting an example of how to be a proactive caregiver of someone you love and people noticed.

When Mom got ill, it was my turn to take the skills I learned and become her advocate. By this time her support circle had dwindled to a triangle. Age and illness has taken its toll.

Until the end Mom fought the evil that is cancer. The only fight she didn’t win. There were no deep conversations, no cryptic messages at the end. Just a woman who fought hard and long. She was thankfully out of pain and at peace. Every day I miss her and hear her words of encouragement. Death cannot silence love.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Heidi Ash has been writing on and off for years. Lately, she has decided to be more intentional in the completion of her memoir and exploring other forms of writing. When not staring at the iPad whispering to the Muse, simply paying enough attention to her two demanding rescue dogs fills a lot of time. She also enjoys reading, baking, and more coffee than one ought to consume.

MY INSPIRATION

Hello Jay,

Your piece “Second Thoughts” inspired me to write my piece for a couple of reasons.

Like the woman in the song “Mama’s Broken Heart” and the women I grew up with, they were hemmed in by their culture, gender and time in history.

My Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2019. I was by her side as much as possible the way she was for me when I was sick as a child.

Looking at your piece I saw two generations of women. For good or bad I think many women carry pieces of their mothers with them.

In your piece I saw a separation between the two women. That separation made me feel it was time to properly honor the life and death of my Mom who died in 2021.

Thank you,

Heidi Ash

…and some very cool glass works:

Glass Works for Interior & Public Spaces

I create kiln-fused glass works for interior and public spaces using layered imagery, light, and architectural form. These pieces can live as backlit wall works, tabletop works, freestanding elements, window pieces, or custom installations developed for a specific site. The work begins in my image-based studio practice and is translated into glass in ways that allow light and scale to become part of the final experience.

For interior designers, art consultants, architects, hospitality teams, healthcare environments, and public commissioners.

Applications

Backlit wall-mounted works
Freestanding illuminated works
Tabletop illuminated pieces
Window and light-responsive installations
Interior divider and architectural feature concepts
Residential, hospitality, healthcare, corporate, and public settings

Freestanding illuminated glass concept
A larger-scale concept showing how layered glass imagery and internal light can operate as an architectural focal point in a hospitality, residential, or public setting.

Wall-based illuminated glass concept
A vertical format designed to integrate with the language of an interior, functioning somewhere between artwork, light source, and architectural element.

Tabletop illuminated glass concept
A smaller-scale format that brings the same image-and-light relationship into a more intimate residential or collector setting.

Materials and Construction

These works are developed as illuminated laminated glass pieces using low-iron glass, layered imagery, and integrated LED systems. Current design studies include small tabletop, mid-size, and larger freestanding formats with steel base shells, framed support systems, removable illuminated caps, and access points for lighting maintenance. The aim is to create work that is visually strong, technically sound, and adaptable to a range of interior and public contexts.

Project Formats

Small tabletop format: visible glass surface 18" x 12".

Mid-size illuminated format: visible glass surface 38" x 24".

Larger freestanding format: illuminated laminated glass art sheet with integrated LED wiring and maintenance access in the base.

To discuss available work, commissions, renderings, or site-specific opportunities, please get in touch.

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